Okay! Okay! Okay! Let's face it…iba't-ibang ugali ang bawat isa sa barkada…Hmmm…Parang sa Big Brother diba…not that I'm a big fan of the reality show pero when you think about it…totoo naman eh…iba't ibang ugali…sabi nga ni Big Bro…Iba't ibang storya sa bahay ni kuya…corni bah? ah hehe…ganyan talaga eh…

So our group has no name…Why not? Do you have to have a name to be called as a group?

"Ang Officials ng Barkada"

Juliet: We call her nanay because she acts like one! I remember how I became a part of the group…She always sees to it na isasama nila ako pag kakain na or mags-smoke…awww…She's always there when you need her, though minsan super hectic talaga ng schedule niya…Ah hehe…She made my 22nd birthday a memorable one…pano ba naman she bought 3 roses kasi she knows that I always celebrate my bday with my bf, eh since, nasa heaven na si ivan, siya nalang daw muna magbi-bigay sakin ng flowers…awww…Isn't that sweet?!!Thanks so much for making me part of group nay, also for considering me as one of your "anaks" sa office…

Sir Duxx:Si Sir Duxx, sya yung una ko nakakakwentuhan about life sa barkada. He immediately made me feel welcome nung sumama ako sa kanila…High-blood toh eh…lalo na pag marami ginagawa…talagang hindi namamansin…Mahilig toh mang-asar, before okay lang eh, kaso ngayon laging wrong timing mang-asar kc kung kelan ako busy, dun niya ako aasarin…Aarrrggghhh…Pero syemps pag nag-yosi break nah…asaran na ulit…Responsible father 'tong c Sir duxx at ang super cute talaga ng anak niya na si duckito na trip na trip ibato ang cellphone ko…ah hehe…Till next asaran Sir Duxx…

Chepie: We call her "Foot" or "Paa!" She has this fetish for toes kasi…Swerte ka nalang kung palagpasin niya ang toes mo without any side comments…She may look or act like she doesn't care at all…Bihira kasi bumanat sa issues eh…Pero pag nagsalita na yan, naku, she really has a lot to say despite her petite built…Kaya foot, thanks for caring and for always listening…ah hehe…remember the time na nasa javaman tyo while waiting for Macky…well happy ako nun kc nakinig ka kahit nonsense na mga kwento ko…ah hehe…She's really sweet, lalo na sa kanyang honey…Kaya mapunta naman tayo kay Macky…

Macky: Garabe…At first na-intimidate ako sa kanya! Sabi ko, strong 'tong taong toh and mahirap makasundo! But guess what, I was way wrong of what I thought of her…kaya diyan pumapasok ang "Don't Judge a Book by its Cover." She's very responsible, very kind, accomodating! She can brag a lot of things but remains humble! She's a good cook…Hey Mack…pahiram naman ng recipe mo ng butterscotch…ah hehe…Hassler to and si foot sa tong-its kaya tuloy kame ni Momi Koala hanap ng coins at naadict na din kame sa tong-its…Thanks for being nice and sweet Macky…I'm so happy to know the real you…

Sean: Krissy…Nay's favorite son…Well, I used to call him "Big Bro"…that is for a reason that is very obvious…He's really tall kc…But now, I call him ChickBro…He tried to wake me up one day kc through a text message…Haller Bro, pano kaya ako magigising sa text diba?!! Mas magigising pa ako sa tilaok ng manok eh! Peace Bro…But, kidding aside, at first, he may seem mayabang and snob but when you get to know him…he's this person who is dependent but is coming out of his shell…Kasi nagiging independent na yan…Conscious na yan sa future niya and that's great Bro…When we talk, it is always something that is with sense…Nakakagulat talaga…I never expected him to be as serious as when we talk…or pag sensitive issues na ang napag-uusapan…Kaya Bro, just continue your dreams of going to Aussie…I'm sure you'll do well…

Thon: "WORKAHOLIC!!!" yan si Thon! He can go to work 24/7…well, almost…I call him Dod kasi…This guy is very responsible lalo na kay Ate Beth and Brian. He has a great sense of style…Dresses up for the right occasion…Yan ang number one impersonator ko…kuhang-kuha niya kung pano ako mag lakad with my bagette and lahat ng manerisms ko…gustong-gusto nya akong pagmasdan kaya naman lahat ng galaw ko napapansin niya… He knows what he wants and I admire him for that…Keep it up Dod, I'm sure you'll be successful with your hard work…Love you dod… Thanks for the goody bags na lage mong kasama si Sweetie everytime you buy our goody bags… At Sino naman si Sweetie?

Julie: Well, I also call her "Dod!" We belong in the same department(HR). At first, I really find her loud and maarte! Pero as you get to know her…yung arte nya is normal and oh, don't get me wrong…She's maarte in a cute way! As in! She's makalat pag dating sa office pero she's like that when she's working! Pero after working naman, wuhow…ang ayos na ng desk niya…She's a very suportive co-worker…kc naman pag nakikita na nya akong taranta sa work, she always tells me that I can do it…Very good friend…I really consider her as one of my closest friend sa office! She's always willing to listen…Yang c thon and dod pag-nag sama naku…super tawa lang kame ng tawa…Partner in crime ko 'toh eh…back-up namin ang isa't-isa pag-dating sa kalokohan and work…well, she's one of those na napagsasabihan ko ng secrets and adventures ko sa life…I'm really happy to have her as my friend…Lagi na nga kame napag-kakamalan magkapatid or lagi kame napag-papalit kasi super mag kamukha na daw kame…oh well…wala na kameng magagawa kung pareho kameng pretty…ah haha…c yah when i c yah dod…

Libay:Cccccccchhhhhhheeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!Ppppppuuuuuueeeeeeeddddddddeeee!!! Hay, yan ang lagi mong maririnig kay Momi…Oh I call her "Momi Koala" pano ba naman kasi sa lahat ng bagay sobrang maaasahan mo sya…I really consider her as my second momi…parang connectado kame sa isa't-isa…super pareho kasi kame ng mga napag-daanan…I guess that's why be became good friends…She's the best momi koala ever…She's really caring and a great adviser….work related, problems, or kahit nonsense na things, she's always there to listen…She's a great cook…as in..kaya ako tumaba, its because of her…she's really tough, she never gave up raising her kids kahit wala na siya partner, nasa heaven na din kc ang kanyang papa josan…she has three adorable and very smart kids…pero bilib ako dito kay momi…kahit mataray sya super cool niyang momi sa mga bebes niya…I really enjoy spending my free time with her…kahit saan pa yan…thanks so much for everything mome…I love yah so muchy…mwah!mwah!hug!hug!

Iyah: Si Iyah? Syempre ako yun…ah hehe…Oh well, alam ko naman kung ano comment sakin ng mga yan, ako daw ung sobrang mahinhin, lalo na pag-nag lakad…ako daw ung nakaka-awang asarin…hmp…che…siyempre d mawawala ang signature walk ko..they all notice the way i walk…ewan ko ba kung ano meron sa lakad ko…ano nga ba?!!! Ang bagette…d mawawala…true naman tlaga eh…mawala na ang lahat, wag lang ang bagette…ung iba, ewan ko nalang…ah hehe…

Iba't-ibang trip namin pero ok parin naman…cguro we compliment each other kasi…kahit saan kame mapunta, k lang, super saya parin…mga favorite tambayan namin…sa EAT…order ng iced tea tpos smoke and kwentuhan from 6am-7am…sa java man…pag tinatamad pumunta ng greenbelt…tambay sa java man with coke light yan…sa breton(greenbelt), drink ng cold capp, kwentuhan parin til kahit what time…pag-nasa mood…diretso kme ni julie and thon sa masas, drink ng margaritta…ah hehe…punta sa tiendesitas para mag-shopping…ang layo dba…or pag-gusto kumain ng chicharon…over-night sa big brother house nila momi na kung minsan nagiging two days or tambay sa house namin para mag tong-its…kahit magka-kaiba sched namin, we always find time para makapag-usap…dyan tuloy nauso ang over-break as in over break talaga at biglaang leaves…ah hehe…

At this moment, there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world.

Some are running scared.

Some are coming home.

Some tell lies to make it through the day.

Others are just not facing the truth.

Some are evil men, at war with good.

And some are good, struggling with evil.

Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls.

And sometimes, all you need is ONE.

-Peyton Sawyer, One Tree Hill-

Have you ever heard of the TV Series, One Tree Hill? I have. Its one the shows aired by ETC. Of course, some of you may think that its one of those silly TV dramas! But what made it different? Well, I guess, I learn a lot from it.

What you've read on top? It's one of the lines from the show.

I have run scared many times. I was afraid to face the truth and end up getting hurt. And yes, I also have told many lies, just to make it through the day.

Yes, there were times that I've been evil. Fighting with my parents when all they want is what's best for me.

And of course, most of the time, I'm good, struggling with evil just to be loved and to belong.

Isn't it funny how you could learn a lot of things from a show, from a book, from other people. When actually, you learn from your own.

Isn't it funny how you struggle to be notice by a lot of people just to belong, when actually all you need is ONE who will accept you for who you are despite your flaws and weaknesses.

Okay, now that I've read this write up, I realized that I didn't make any sense at all…Hmmm…I can't really explain what I want to say…Oh well…Just watch the show…Ah hehe…

I met him like three years ago. He's really nice and we became good friends. He started to treat me more than a friend though, but that just can't happen. He knew I'm with someone and he knew that I have great respect for my boyfriend and great respect for my self. I really only consider him as a friend.

He called after a year. The exact same date that Ivan's body was buried. He asked me how I was doing, when, out of nowhere I blurted out "Ivan's dead. What do you think am I feeling right now?!!!" Still, he called everyday to check on me, if I was feeling better already, but, after a hurtful situation, I taked nonsense.

He remembered and called again after another year. That was like three weeks ago. I have already moved on from what had happened the previous year and the interest to talk to a friend was back. He called me every night, after I got off from my work. I have to admit that I missed chatting with a friend, that's why I enjoyed talking to him, sharing pieces of my thoughts.

Our last conversation over the phone was last Monday. I was happy when he called, but, my mood changed when he asked me what I did at work during the day. I told him what I did and after that he blurted out "Just because of those things that you did at work today, you didn't had the time to text me?!!! Do I have to go to your office just to remind you to text me?!!!" And oh, he said that in a loud tone. I was speechless. He is my friend. And he is just my friend!!! Tell me; is it already an obligation to message a friend everyday?!!! I was busy with work and didn't even had the time to brush my teeth and that's what he'll tell me?!!! Isn't that a little too selfish of him? He is not my boyfriend, if he is, then that's when I'll give time to message him no matter how busy I am with work. Of course, this is my opinion and what I felt.

I made it very clear from the beginning that he is my friend, though, i know he wanted to be more than just friends! I am ready to commit now, after a long time of being single, but, I guess, not with him.

Have you ever felt this situation? That you are comfortable with someone, but, you just can't be together because you know that you might lose the friendship if the relationship didn't work out. That you are just better of as friends.

Yep, I am happy that I met him, I am happy that we became good friends, and I am happy that I can share my thoughts with him. Well, I learned a lesson here too, to be careful of being comfortable with someone when you know that you have different reasons for being close, or else, you'll end up getting IRRITATED.

Nov. 2 '04 (All Soul's Day): Ivan was supposed to go to work but he decided to take the day off. He went to our house and stayed there the whole day. We stayed in my room, we slept and cuddled, we watched a movie in the living room while playing with my dog chihuahua(a gift from him). He treated my family for a pizza and mingled with them the whole afternoon. It was getting late and hugged me tight before he left. He wasn't really a hugger that's why I never wanted to let go.

He sent me a message while he was on his way home…"Bye Buttercup, Thanks for cuddling with me today. I Love You So Much and I miss you na agad." He never said "Bye" to my before. He always tells me that it's better to say "Good Night," "Take Care," or "I Love You!" But not, "Goodbye."

Nov. 5 '04: I went to Makati to have lunch with him. I had to stop by G4 though, to buy him his gift for his baby(Chris-cringle). We ate lunch and I gave him the gift and some stuff for work that would remind him of me. He gave me print-outs of my resume, since, I am looking for a job that time. He wanted me to wait for him 'til he got out from work, but, I was tired, so, I went home.

Nov 6 '04: He called me early in the morning. We didn't had the money to go out, but, still he wanted to see me. I told him that we will see each other next monday after my final interview at eDATA, so, he decided to go to the gym instead and I stayed at home. He called me after he's done working out. We we're laughing when he told me that he will go out that night to celebrate his friends' bday. I told him to stay at home and just talk to me. He got mad and we got into a huge fight. Honestly, I never did this before. I always let him go out and spend his time with his friends. I just don't know why I wanted him to stay home. We were shouting at eachother already and he hung up on me. I did not call back. I even turned my phone to silent mode, so, I won't hear any message coming or any call from him.

That night I cried myself to sleep…

It was 3am the next day when I heard my mom running down the stairs…She said she heard someone knocking at our front door. I saw my phone, still, on silent mode, blinking…someone's calling…and I answered…

Maan:"Hello…"

Sarah:"Maan? Si Sarah to, pinsan ni Ivan…"

Maan:"Oh Ate Sarah, napatawag ka po…Bakit po?"

Sarah:"Ah Maan, pumunta ka naman dito sa Mandaluyong Hospital…Si Ivan nabaril kasi eh…"

Maan:"Ha?! O sige ate, pero kamusta si Ivan, okay na ba sya? May pilay ba sya? Ino-operahan ba sya? Asan sya? Makakausap ko ba sya?"

Sarah:"Maan, basta, pumunta ka dito…Patay na si Ivan, Maan!!! Pumunta ka na dito aantayin ka namin.."

I really don't know what I felt at that time. This can't be real. This is not right. This is not happening!!! No tears ran down my eyes.

How could he die now when we still have many plans to pursue…We will work together, we will save money to build our house, we have a business, we will marry and have a family of our own! He just can't die now!

I rushed down the stairs and my mom asked me what's going on…I was shaking and I couldn't say a word but I need to tell her…"Ma, samahan mo ko sa Mandaluyong Hospital, patay na daw si Ivan!!!"

She asked me to call the number that called me, since, it is not registered in my phone. She thought that maybe it was a prank call.

I called…Ate Sarah answered.

Maan:" Ate Sarah, pasensya ka na, alam ko po nag-away kame ni Ivan pero wag niyo naman ako lokohin ng ganito, Di kasi nakakatuwang biro…"

Ate Sarah:"Maan, patay na si Ivan! How I wish na sana niloloko ka lang namin pero patay na sya Maan. Pumunta ka nalang dito, aantayin ka namin."

My Mom and my brother-in-law went with me to Mandaluyong. My dad just brought my sister to the office, since, her work(CSR) starts at 4am. After he brought my sister to RCBC, he went straight to Tagaytay to play golf with his friends that will start at 6am. My dad couldn't turn back now…He called me when he recieved the bad news from my mom. He told me to be strong, that the whole family loves me very much and that they will stand by me…

That was the longest trip that I had from Parañaque to Mandaluyong.

It was already 4:30am when we arrived at the Mandaluyong hospital. I saw his whole family gathered in the hall way. That's when I realized that it's real. That Ivan is dead.

I was about to cry when his cousin, Jhack, ran to me and hugged me tight. I asked her "Asan si Ivan cuzin? Dalhin mo ko sa kanya…"

She led me to a door and when she opened it, I saw a bed with a body lying on it covered with white sheet. She removed the white sheet that covered the body and….there he was…lifeless.

I held his hands and placed it in my heart. It was still soft and warm. I ran my other hand to his hair, his face, his lips. I remembered the time when i placed my hands near his heart while he confessed his love to me. I placed my hands on his chest and I can no longer feel his heart beating.

He was shot straight in the heart by unidentified men.

Again, when I ran my hands on his chest, a gush of blood came out of this small hole. A small hole caused by a bullet. That's when I felt hurt, it's as if someone crushed my heart.

How could someone kill just because of a cellphone. How could they take the life of a responsible loving man. They took his dreams…his life away.

They took his body at the funeral home for embalment 7am. My mom brought me to their house and I fixed the clothes that he will wear and prepared his picture that will be displayed at the wake. I stayed with his sister who was crying and I couldn't do anything. My phone never stopped ringing, family and friends trying to comfort me at that time.

I went home to fix my stuff, I decided to stay in Mandaluyong until we bury his body.

I came in time at the chapel, just when they delivered his body in a coffin. When I looked at him, he was still the same, still handsome. What was different though, he is now lifeless.

It was Nov. 7 '04. The darkest day of my life.

My family and friends came to visit everyday. They would just sit with me, hold my hand and hug me.

Nov. 14 '04: I came to their house and fixed the stuff that will be buried with him. There was a huge mirror in his room and I remembered once he told me that if you stared at a mirror, some spirit would show up and talk to you. He was trying to scare me at that time but I tried to stare at the mirror this time, hoping, that he will show up and talk to me…just tell me who killed him. He never did.

It was time to bury him. That was the last time that I held his hand, the last time that I kissed him. But, It was time to let him go…To say goodbye…Still no tears ran down my eyes.

People judged me during those days. Because they did not see my cry. They said I didn't really loved him because I didn't cry. I didn't care…

I guess nobody would understand. I was just talking to him and then the next minute someone would call me to tell me that he's dead.

I guess, now I know why he said "goodbye" last tuesday night. I guess now I know why I did not want him to go out with his friends last saturday night. I guess now I know who was knocking at our front door that woke up my mom and I…

It's been 1year and 6months since Ivan died. I have moved on, but, he will always have a special place in my heart. He taught me a lot of things that I will never forget. He taught me to be independent, he taught me how to be strong, he taught me how to live…he taught me how to love.

I hope that justice will be served soon…But for now, I just hope that he's happy wherever he is.

My Angel Ivan

I am supposed to finish my tertiary school March 2004 but I was a bad chick way back then, so, I ended up as an Octoberian! It sucks! All my batchmates went off to go look for a job and I'm stuck in school to finish the 1st sem(June-Oct. '04). What's good about it though is that I only have one class to attend, and that is Practicum. I served 100 hours for my school setting at Mapua Makati and 100 hours for my Industrial Setting at PS Bank. It only took me 'til August to finish. I tried to look for a job then because I wanted to work already. I wasn't that interested though, since, I only apply online. My boyfriend, Ivan, would sent me text credits everyday, so, I can update him on what's going on with my job hunting. That's what he thought, but, I only went out once and applied at Convergy's, since, it is near PS Bank. I passed and was reffered for TSR Training but had to stop, since, I am still studying.

Came October. I got a call from a certain agency and the next day I came and they sent me to eDATA Services Phils., a BPO Transcription Company. They we're looking for an HR Assistant. I took the test and passed the first interview and was schedule for a final interview on Nov. 8 '04.

I did not show up for the final interview(a whole different story to tell) and I thought I was out of it already, since, I did not inform that I couldn't make it.

Nov. 17 '04: Ms. Yaying, the Recruitment Specialist of eDATA called me up and asked if I am still interested for the position. Of course I still am and she re-scheduled me for a final interview with the HR Manager, Nov. 22.

Nov. 25 '04: I was hired as an HR Asst. and good news!!! They told me that I will work under probationary status and not under contractual.

It is funny how I landed my first job. I guess I got to work here for a certain reason and those are left to be learned, treasured and never to forget. I guess, it was just meant for me.

Though the trials…the questions of capabilities…the everyday issues that come across my way…I won't ever regret the decision that I made to join this Company.

It's like a whole new life began when I started working with this Company…"IYAH" =p

I was net browsing at home when I saw my friends email. It was something about love, but then it has nothing to do with what I am writing now. At the end of her email there was this link and i clicked right away. It sent me to her blog site and i enjoyed reading every thing that she wrote.

I saw my friend Ian the other day. He sent me a message thru friendster and I browsed at his profile. Again, I saw a link for his blog site. I browsed at it and was fascinated with the things that he wrote. There are numerous stories wrote by him. There are characters and settings, but, what made it different? It is simple. The things that he wrote, I know, represent him. The real him! His thoughts, feelings, his own opinions…just him!

I am naturally a very cautious person. I tend to assess people's personality first before I release my innermost thoughts and feelings, before I can become…me! I sometimes find it hard to voice out my feelings, I fear that I might hurt others.

I am still young, by age and by heart. But with my age comes the very struggling experiences that came across the path that I am passing thru. I guess, this is what made me decide to give this blog a shot.

It might inspire, it might bore, it might scare you off, it might make you laugh, it might teach you something! But then again…This is me…this who I am and I am happy that here I can be the real me. No pretentions, no nothing…Just Me!!!

Honey, Abby, Jonah and I were invited by friends from the pep squad of San Beda College to attend the Annual Freshman Initiation of their school, July 6, 2001. I had nothing to do, no where to go and so I went with them. I was studying from an exclusive school then, but I have no plans of sight seeing or boy hunting. With that, I never thought that this day would bring me to the man I have long been waiting for.

We stayed at the gate of the school because as it turned out, we are actually not allowed to enter the campus! I got bored and I really wanted to go home!

I was about to ask them to leave when I saw this man drinking mineral water near the gates, not minding the chaos that my friends and I created. A long lost brother of Epi Quizon? Of course not, he was original, no pretentions, no nothing…He was just being him!

Ivan A. Lacson huh?!! As I sneak peaked at his ID! Heller! The looks of Epi and the name same as Ping, I asked my self, is he a gift from heaven, knowing that I admire both Epi Quizon and Ping Lacson! I found out that he is a member of San Beda Pep Squad. Saw him do the moves while they practiced, and yeah, I really find him cute! Of course there were butterflies in my stomach the first time I saw him and what's funny is that those butterflies never left…Hmmm! With the first impression of him being a snob, I told myself…Heller, Wake up…How could he possibly fall in love with me? Not a bit. Not a chance. I went home facing this reality! That is until my friend Honey called me, gave me his number and asked me to text him! "No way!" I said, that is so embarrasing!!! Still, I did! Exchanging messages the whole night, he asked for my landline number (July 7, 2001) and cell calls during lunch time that would make me run out of class every time he calls.

July 14, 2001: My friends and I decided to watch NCAA and play billiards near Beda after the game. That day we met personally for the first time! I was nervous, I didn't know what to do! But hey, it ended up so well that he asked me for a date the following day!

July 15, 2001: The happiest day of my life! We went out, dine at Tokyo Tokyo and watched a movie(Along came a spider) we have no idea of but ended up watching it. That was what I thought, but then he confessed that he wanted to watch that movie because he knew it would scare the hell out me and thought that he could be my prince charming if he hugs me when I get scared! Next movie is Dr. Doolittle. It was a Sunday and he still do not want to go home so we ended up watching another movie.

We we're waiting for the movie to start when he whispered to my ear, "Can I be your buttercup?" and I told him "Umm…Okay!" But then he realized that he asked the wrong question and so another question was raised…"Eh can you be my Buttercup? Maan, I Love You!"Have you ever felt what I felt that moment? When suddenly, time stops and you can't move a thing. All you feel is your heart stammering and all you can say is "Are you sure? It's so fast and how can you love me in an instant? In a span of one week?" and he said "I don't know! This never happened to me before and it just feels right!" I placed my hands near his heart and I can feel it beating so fast! By then I knew it was real and then "I Love You too Ivan!" He hugged me and started singing the song "Thank you in advance!" Our song!

What you've just read is our love story! This is how we started and I never want to lose him since the day that I saw him. He is the greatest gift that I have and along with him are many gifts that I will treasure forever!

The best gift that he gave me is his family. I gained another family because of him. Yes, we have a lot of memories together, good and bad, but you know what? Those memories are the reason why we never stopped loving each other. Instead, we loved each other more. Those are what made us strong and I never regret anything that happened to us. I loved him so much, I still do, and I will forever love him, more and more…each day.